Starlit ★ Dreamscape

✩-- Quick Update // On the 17th night of non-sleeping this is what has happened to me ~

❥▐▐ ( L i s t e n i n g To. )▐▐ ↘↘ In My Heart by My Favorite Highway
❥▐▐ ( D o i n g ... )▐▐ ↘↘ Writing up a quick blog post, uploading photos from my n00b camera before cramming for my Chemistry report. :)

Hello hello, Star here, reporting for duty. Been a while hasn't it? I have so much to say and so little time to say it (that, and I'm also lazy). So much has happened in the past week or so. Well, sort of. Not really. Just lots and lots of assignmenting. > <;;

Okay first things first. Like my title suggests, things haven't been going TOO well for me lately. Not that I'm depressed or anything .. well, you could say that. I'm suffering from depression from all this mountainload of work and school. Yeah, school is depressing. What a surprise. [/insert sarcasm here]

17 days have passed since the beginning of assignment lockdown. Two assignments are finally done *phew* Maths B was handed in two weeks ago, and Maths C was done and dusted yesterday. Around 20+ pages for each ... Over 5000 words .. Something around there. Seems like I did a good job of cramming for both of them with a weeks-worth of no sleep, stress, blood, sweat and tears put into them.

It's taking a toll on my usual school progress though. I've skipped like three days of school so far, and about a ton of music rehearsals. D: Never done that before, but having less than 5 hours sleep per night really really takes a toll on you. I haven't been so much more brain-dead in my entire life. Well, maybe a few times .. like last year when I nearly did the same thing. NEARLY. Except the workload and expectations are increasing a wholeeeee lot every single year. D: Gah.

And I actually have pretty good excuses for each of those days I missed school too! So don't call me off for wagging. = = || I had a violin exam which I hadn't prepared for WHATSOEVER on the same day as my Maths B was due. I kept pulling out all-nighters during the first week of assignment lockdown .. and ended up staying til midnight on Thursday-Friday. So I was still up, plowing away at my Maths B assignment .. at bloody 12 am on FRIDAY. The day where I had to be early for my Grade 5 Violin Examinations AND the due date of my assignment. H O M F G. Finished my assignment at 12:30 am, all printed and everything. Went straight to violin practice with no break (thank gawd my friend lent me a mute. It was a total surprise .. mainly since I didn't know that such a thing existed .. and I felt bad for nabbing something so precious of a new person who I barely knew > < BUT BUDDY, YOU SAVED MY LIFE.) Practiced for 3 hours. The time I finally went to bed? 3am .. Friday morning.

Let's just say, I got 3 hours sleep. Woke up. Parents decided to not let me go to early morning rehearsal at 6am, so I got to sleep in for another hour. 7am. Woke up. Had to get ready and dressed. Breakfast was agony ... I kept nodding off at the breakfast table .. Chugged down a whole barrel of tea and coffee. 8am. STRAIGHT TO THE MUSIC STAND. Sat in front of it for about 1 1/2 hours before I had to officially leave for my examination ...

Time skip. After the examination. Didn't go so well .. No wait, that's a bit of an understatement. IT WENT COMPLETELY WRONG. Having barely 5 hours sleep DOES NOT DO WELL. ESPECIALLY WHEN YOUR ENTIRE VIOLIN EXAM IS AT STAKE. I had to ask the poor examiner to repeat every question/order about 3 times .. Forgot half my prepared technical work and scales .. and my tuning was enough to make all the cats in the neighbourhood howl .. Yuppppp... All that practice just blew up in my face the second I walked into that room. I swear the examiner was about to have a fit. And I clearly couldn't upright tell her that I had pulled an all-nighter before and was barely functioning at that moment ...

After the exam, back to school. Third period was ABSOLUTE TORTURE. You know how when people get hungover, they become super-extra-highly-sensitive to light and noise and all that jazz? (don't ask me how I know for certain. I WATCH MOVIES FOR GOODNESS SAKE. MOVIES AND FILMS ARE LIKE MY INTEL SYSTEM) .. Yeah well that applied to me .. in zombie mode. The class was so noisy .. I got yelled at by my French Maths substitute teacher for the term .. for being late, when I just arrived at school from my exam .. And everything, everyone, every noise around me .. was amplified about 100x the normal volume. Torture lasted for about two hours, before I stumbled down the long stairwells, tried to collapse on top of my locker and get to the sick bay.

Unfortunately my Grade 8 buddy underneath my locker didn't seem to share any sympathy and took half an hour to get her lunch out of her locker before moving aside that I could get to mine, dump all my books and just high-tail to the sick bay room. Sick bay. I slept .. I slept .. I slept .. for about another 2 hours .. before the bell jump-started me awake. Oh dear Senior who was in the bed next to me, I totally understand the pain you are going through. Clearly she pulled out a similar all-nighter like I did .. though I'm not sure if it was the same extreme. :/

Right, so that's one "important" monumental day done. To save me writing, I'm just going to sum up the next week real quick. WEEK 2. MATHS C ASSIGNMENT. HOLY SHEET. REPEAT THE PROCESS OF WEEK 1. Except, it got worse. Because where Maths B is hard enough without any teacher assistance AT ALL ... MATHS C GETS A WHOLE TON LOT WORSE. I didn't even most of the stuff, until I spent the entire weekend re-reading over and over again what the assignment was telling me to do. :/ Sunday night. The symptoms of a stomach bug started showing. Monday. Totally out of it, and the bathroom was temporarily made my lair for the entire day. WORST. TIMING. Tuesday I was back at school, and missed early morning music rehearsal (again) due to me running to the bathroom at 2am ... Cue another week of absolutely no sleep at all.

Friday of week 2. Finally handed in my ass of a Maths C assignment. Forgot I had a Japanese excursion that day. Suffered an entire day's worth of plowing through the most difficult study ... in another language. If I wasn't already brain-dead by then, I would probably not have repeatedly died during Friday. If I had more sleep, I would have probably found the experience a whole lot more enjoyable. Surprisingly, although our group table during the Japanese conference was losing so many of the matches .. we somehow managed to scrape in at 2nd place for the Group Total Competition. I think we have the Grade 12 Japanese translator genius at our table to thank (entirely) for our undeserving win. Good job bro. :)

And now we finally arrive to today. Saturday 14 May. Guess what? I have another assignment that is due in the following week. CHEMISTRY. It's a report. Supposed to be lengthy. Just as lengthy as the past two, and a whole ton of work involved. So somehow I'm going to have to cram in a whole term's worth of Chemistry study into this one assignment in less than 5 days. :\ And if you think Maths B/C was terrifying .. Chemistry is a whole lot worse. At least for me. 

Speaking of bad timing. Here's another shocker. The day before, Friday, was Friday the 13th. Black Friday. I think it is pretty unlucky .. how I've contracted a cold and throat virus on that day. I suspect that our excursion to an all-guys' school has somehow ended up with me being sick. WORST. TIMING. (again). I'm struggling to even focus on anything ... and that's just barely. Also, I'm spending wayy too long writing up this blog post which should have only taken me 10 minutes to type .. and it's been just over 30 minutes now .. Damn .

So .. to save me from writing anything more unnecessary, just a very very very quick summary (ha, last time I said 'quick summary' it ended up being a few paragraphs.. Whoops > <) of what's ahead. This week, my Chemistry report is due. Next week, my Physics report is due. Also next week, my English essay draft is due. The week after, my Religion essay is due .. as well as my week of Block Exams continues. Block exams continue the following week. After block exams, I have a full-on week of work experience. 

It's great to know that during every term .. The holidays just LOOKS SO GOOD. It's like a sparkling gem .. so very far away, but you know you want it so so SOOO badly. D:


PHOTO MONTAGE TIME !!! (Yeah, no, not really. It's just a whole bunch of random photos that I have on my camera, because I'm too tired and lazy to upload them onto my computer every week. Also, I am starting to develop a habit of taking random photos of everything and everything when I feel like it. Very productive .. eh .. *cough cough*)

BEHOLD THE CHURRO STICK OF POWER !! This was taken on my Physics excursion to Dreamworld. First every trip to Dreamworld, might I add. Well, since the time I visited when I was only 2 years old doesn't count.. Worst trip ever to an amusement park might I add. Clearly opposing gravity does not settle too well with my brain. The entire day I was suffering from nausea spells .. @.@ 

Anyway, this is the Churro stick I have been dreaming about ever since I saw a Google image of one about a couple of weeks ago. Alas, I didn't actually get to buy one myself as I was too full from eating both my friend's lunch (same friend posing as a lovely  model here) and my own. > <;; I simply couldn't let all that (expensive) food go to waste, ahahahaha. ^^|| However, my friend was kind enough to break off a bit for a taste. NO SUSS INTENDED WHATSOEVER (I know what you dirty minds were thinking .. and the churro stick DOES seem to look that way doesn't it .. ) xD

Wasn't as delicious as I had expected it to be. Then again, I was still suffering from post-trauma hallucinations and nausea after the Giant Drop and the Tower of Terror before we paused for a short lunch break.

Check out all that sugary goodness~ Man I wish I actually got eat one when I was totally sober and not in shock. D8 >>

To celebrate the start of assignment lockdown week, I finally FINALLY FINALLY get to have my first shot of sugary goodness for the first time in a month (Dreamworld doesn't count, since I didn't get any icream or churros due to nausea). The pantry has been bare for the past 2-3 weeks .. and there literally has been no sugar in the house during that time. I've been too busy with music concerts and excursions and assignmenting to even go out and get meself some bags of sugar, and my mother won't even lift a finger to even put a box of cookies in the shopping trolley during her "weekly grocery shopping trip" TT ^ TT Hunni/Russia/I can only eat so many sour apples for two whole weeks ... before dropping dead. Apologies to everyone s on Skype during those two weeks. You might have seen some random outbursts and consecutive episodes of me mentally breaking down .. in both sheer boredom, lack of motivation and severe sugar depression.. 

PASSIONFRUIT CHEESECAKE ! It's a cheaper brand, but hey, it's sugar-loaded. Has real passionfruit puree covered on the top. Cheese has rough texture, but you definitely know there's cheese in there. AND. AND. AND. It's a cheesecake! BONUS POINTS. 8DD >>

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✩-- A Very Musical Day

❥▐▐ ( L i s t e n i n g To. )▐▐ ↘↘ 2012 - Jay Sean {{ Really seems like the end of the world to me ... with all these assignments. DX Another day without doing anything on my assignments. But this time I have an excuse ! }}
❥▐▐ ( D o i n g ... )▐▐ ↘↘ Typing up this blog post :) Was practicing my violin beforehand, straight after coming back from the concert and chowing down dinner of Macca's. I'm trying to be healthy, really, but it's the only thing I've eaten all day. A "big" Mac (why do they even call it big, when it's the size of my hand in the first place? .. and my hand isn't all that massive either > <;;) and large fries. Healthy, no? Not feeling too guilty for being all Australian-American like in my food choice. It had an Australian beef patty. That's as Australian as it gets people ;] <-- I'd upload a photo, but since I was absolutely ravenous, I didn't actually /think/ of whipping out the camera and taking a couple shots of this pea-sized shaped thing sitting in a cardboard box. ... I'd probably eat the camera while I was at it. That's how hungry I was.

Music, music, music. Normally, I wouldn't have minded since my life practically revolves around music. Not saying that I'm any good at it, since I actually suck .. quite badly. I can't even sing, my piano playing is nothing compared to other people's I've heard ... and lately I've been practicing more violin. But there's a reason. My exam is coming up very soon. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Next Friday. NEXT. FRIDAY. THAT'S ALMOST A WEEK AWAY. .. for me to cram-learn two new songs (YES, 8 FLIPPIN' PAGES OF NEW MUSIC), all 16 technical exercises by memory and scales ... Most of it, off by heart while re-learning the 4 other pieces that have been deteriorating at the back of my mind ... Who ever said people don't die early? I'm probably going to end up fainting through the door whilst walking into the exam room. These things terrify me.

So, this morning. Woke up at 5am in the morning. Cold. Dark. Dreary. And the sky is spitting. LOVELY, eh? The sun wasn't even up yet, just a dark hazy grey mess outside the bathroom window. I didn't even /want/ to get up. Then again, who does on such a cold, cold morning .. when you can be sleeping in into the afternoon? I know I would ... SECOND. WORST. NIGHT'S. SLEEP. IN. A. ROW. Felt like an absolute zombie. Try so hard to fall asleep the night before. Kept telling myself to just close my eyes and switch off otherwise I knew I'd be dead tired the next morning. Unfortunately, my body likes to be an ass .. even to myself. My life story. Right there.

1 hour later. 6am. Still pretty dark. Some light finally coming through the thick clouds. Not much. It's raining. What a surprise. [/insert sarcasm here] Rehearsal's supposed to be starting. 15 minutes later. Band director still hasn't showed up. Tell me again why I woke up this early, only to be led on that rehearsal would "officially" start half an hour later ... Wasting my precious extra sleep time. Disappointed.

6:45 am. Director finally shows. Begin rehearsal. Lateness is obviously contagious. Due to the sudden lack of time, late to class. Fantastic start to the day.

-- Time skip to after school --

3 pm. Two hour rehearsal before Opus <-- the fancy name for 'musical concert' in my school vocabulary.

Different ensemble this time -> String Ensemble. Yay. Zombie mode already beginning to kick in. Had no lunch. Starving. Stomach growling ... like the roars of Godzilla terrorizing Tokyo. FEAR THE MIGHT OF MY STOMACH. You really should.

5pm. Begin the long journey of traveling back and forth across the school, transporting the electronic equipment, cords, powerpacks, amplifiers, keyboards, guitars, percussion equipment, music stands, podiums and furniture from the music department to the tiny excuse of a "hall". Like my big mac, it puts the whole term of a "musical night in the HALL" to shame. Stubbed toes, caught fingers and corner smashing ensues.

8pm. Concert finally finishes. The rain has returned to haunt us. Cold, wet and exhausted. Half an hour before a car comes to pick me up. Whoot. Pack everything that was dragged out back in again. Remember I mentioned corner smashing? Well, yeah.. apparently everyone is so exhausted .. doors have suddenly become BIG. HUGE. TARGETS. Line of dent marks along the door frame from carrying the massive bass drums. Wasn't my fault, I don't play the damn thing.

9pm. Attack Macca's. Chow down dinner. Stomach finally appeased. Hooray. Begin violin practice (again).

10pm. "Current" time ... approximately half an hour ago. Begin blog-writing account of recent day's events. Still typing. Blog post will end with 3 footnotes :)

1. Hoping to get a better night's sleep tonight, as tomorrow I will venture on a class Physics excursion to Dreamworld to study G-Forces. Whoop-de-doo. Hopefully get to taste my first Churro. Hopefully will be taking camera along, or getting a couple good shots from a friend's camera !

2. NEED. TO. START. ASSIGNMENT'S. SOON. MUST. MUST. MUST. It is eating away at my brain, and yet I still need to come up with some sort of idea on how to actually "start".

3. Wanting a hoodie. A rad awesome hoodie. So it can keep me warm. Of course. And so I'll look even more gangsta and Asian. XD OF COURSE.

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✩-- Boredom gets to me. Clearly.

❥▐▐ ( L i s t e n i n g To. )▐▐ ↘↘ E. T. - Katy Perry (I'm usually not one to be listening to Radio Top 40 music, but iTunes seems to be in the mood today .. that and I'm addicted to RoChu AMVs .. well, any AMV that is Hetalia-related ..really ..)
❥▐▐ ( D o i n g ... )▐▐ ↘↘ Banging my head against my Maths textbook. Ploughing (extremely slowly) through my Maths B, Maths C, Chemistry and Physics assignments .. The work just keeps on piling up ... And I really have no clue on how to approach them. :/ Plus my lack of motivation and slow descent into a sugar depression doesn't help some. Still have English homework to do, and Violin Practice on top of that. Fun fun fun.. > < ;;

Ah, it's been a while. Broke my promise of blogging daily. Whoops. In fact, just today a fellow komrade mentioned that I blog a lot. Truth is, not realleh. I only blog when I'm feeling just peachy and/or totally, utterly, irrevocably bored out of my insane little mind that I just feel like typing whatever the voice in my head says. Ja, really. This is what that little awesome 'head voice' is going on about right now. No, I'm not joking. So I talk to myself? I see no problem with that. It's completely sane. Really. Stop laughing. I talk to my fridge too, and every time I picture it talking back to me -- telling me that I've run out of milk, in a British accent. What type of British accent? I was never too saavy with the different types of British accents, so my guess is the Cockney accent. Or however you spell it, because it has come to my attention that there are many different types of accents within the generic 'British accent' category. I never knew this. A friend told me. She wanted me to very specific. That way she could laugh her butt off in the middle of class and everyone looks at her like she's insane. And she points at me .. who is sitting there, looking totally dumb and innocent. It really did happen peoples.

Okay, enough of this pointless ranting.

Work just keeps piling up on my desk. I really don't know what to do, but I have some idea where to start.

Have to start on my Maths assignments because they're due next week. I've hardly started. No, wait. I haven't started. Ja, really. I'm doomed. I'm not too flash with Mathematics, so I have no idea how I wound up doing this. But apparently I'd be wasting my time in the basic Maths class. So they moved me up. But I'm as lost as I am in the barren wilderness of the Motherland (Russia) doing this Mathematics ... Some units I understand completely, and others .. I'm at a total loss. I need a map. Know where I can find one? It'd be awesome if I had a tutor or something. Oh, how I wish. Apparently they seem to be on the missing list, that or they're ignoring me. Or there simply is no time on my busy schedule .

Other things that have been worrying me besides school. Music. I'm starting to start loving my violin back after all these months. It comes in phases, I've realised. There's the whole 'I-love-my-piano-to-death-til-us-part' for a month or so .. and then that love suddenly shifts to the other abandoned instrument. In this case, as I have mentioned before, it's the violin. I feel sorry for my musical instruments. While I shower my affection for one, the other is left in the corner. Gathering dust. It's sad. I try to share the love, but I never seem to have enough time to focus on music as much as I would like to and studies. And even then, I have to fit my love for procrastination into my schedule at the same time.

I'm in a bloody love triangle. How the heck did I end up in this soap-opera situation. I don't even like soap-operas. It's all hogwashy stuff.. and falling in love at first sight, and flings, and reputation and imagery and all that stuff. Sure, having dreams like that is nice. But highly unrealistic for the majority of people. I don't see everyone in this world living a perfect little life with big cars, and being with their one-and-only Prince Charming for ever and ever and ever. Really, I don't. How did I get on this topic, anyway. Oh right, the drama in my life. Of course.


Well I better end this here, otherwise my procrastination is going to settle back in again. Whoops. Hmm.. I really have to be more organized with my time. If only I had the motivation and brain capacity to master such a thing. *taps screen*

The aforementioned video I /was/ 'currently listening to'  *points to the very top of this post* >>

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✩-- Talking Down

❥▐▐ ( L i s t e n i n g To. )▐▐ ↘↘ Blowing out my ears on Skillet - Falling In The Black
❥▐▐ ( D o i n g ... )▐▐ ↘↘ I'm not going to cry. I'm not going to cry. Drowning myself in the world of music. My ears hurt, but it's either my ears hurt from the loud volume or the words of hurt stabbing my self-esteem every second. You tell me that I have no one else to blame but myself. That is true, if my eardrums bleed ... it will be my fault. I accept that. So please stop talking.

When parents talk you down ...
When they say you FAIL, and don't try hard enough.
When they accuse you of spending your entire day in front of a computer ... (when in truth, so do they).
When they say that everyone is going to beat you at your own race .. and that you suck.
That no matter what you do, they'll compare you to the rest of the world.
The sinking feeling that rocks your entire core that you're JUST. NOT. GOOD. ENOUGH. to meet their expectations.

Don't you just hate it when your life is always ruled by someone else? Living on, by and for criticism? I know I do.

And the worst part is, people are always always saying not to say things behind turned backs ... And they just bite their heels off. Hyprocrite, much?

You feel so much worse when you let the words kick in. Sure, you have to admit that sometimes you haven't been working as hard as you could have. Then there are those times when you're just having a bad day or stuck in a bad period of your life ... and there's ALWAYS ALWAYS the people who rub it in. It's not anyone's fault that you're having a bad day. But no, they don't even consider that. They just call you names. That you're failure. A disgrace. A waste of time and effort.

Yes, there are those who are truly lazy and live a life of nothing. But there are those who are just trying to get by. Honestly, trying to get through by themselves only to be put down by the very people around them.

What I'm trying to say is that it's not a good thing to be lazy. But sometimes, when someone is going through a tough time. Please don't take them it out on them. And before you open your mouth and fire insults at them, think about the times when you were feeling so low and down yourself. You were there before, hating the world. And now, you're hating on this person who is in the same exact position?

Please. I beg you. No more.

It's enough to hear your parents say that you're a disgrace to the family. Constantly told that you're a failure in life if you slack off for ONE day. And being told that you'll never succeed your supposed 'dreams' .. which aren't even yours in the first place .. but someone else's. It hurts. I'm already feeling down that I had a tough term with full-on exams, nearly failing subjects despite studying, and overall blues. The bullying only makes the depression sink deeper.

Please. I don't want to hear more of the cursing and insults from downstairs. Yes, I can hear you. You probably want me to hear, but this is doing nothing good to my self-esteem. You want me to try harder? Then let me and my own strength accomplish MY OWN DREAMS, and just shut up. PLEASE.
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✩-- Ordinary Tuesday.

❥▐▐ ( L i s t e n i n g To. )▐▐  ↘ By Your Side - Tenth Avenue North // All I ever wanted - Basshunter
❥▐▐ ( D o i n g ...  )▐▐  ↘ Blogging before I cram-study for Maths, Physics and Chem. OMFG, SAVE ME.


Just a short and simple blog post before I dive into my study .. and drown myself in the process. > . <;; Had to struggle to get up this morning. Woke up at 5am. Got just a little more than 4 hours sleep. Had to sit in bed for around 5 minutes before the dizziness went away. Dad thought I had fallen back asleep again. Like I usually do. xDD Had violin ensemble today. Forced to sit in front of the freezing blizzard of an air-con. Frozen to a crisp. Poor Russia. General Winter has raped him once again.   

First period. Physics. Got to run around on the oval and hit balls with baseball bats, and kick soccer balls around. Not so easy with a dress as a uniform. Was going to smash the tennis ball with the racquet and knock someone out on the head , but never got the chance. :( Had to be the stick person in the distance, holding the metre ruler for 20 minutes instead. AND THE SUN IS BLOODY HOT. Even in the morning. = ^ =;; First cold, now hot. HA.

At morning recess (morning tea), got to make chocolate truffles with the Japanese Exchange students. BEST. CHOCOLATE. TRUFFLES. EVARRRRRRRRRRRRRRR. We tried to melt the chocolate malt chips in a bowl, which was in another bigger bowl filled with hot boiling water <-- There were too many of us to individually put all the chocolate malt into a microwave, so we had to settle with the ancient method of melting chocolate in a matter of 20 minutes. ^^;; Burnt myself .. FIVE TIMES .. with the hot water that spilt out of the bowl and everywhere. Hot water went everywhere .. including our melted chocolate. It became more like chocolate dough when we finally finished. XDD;; It didn't taste that bad at all though. DELICIOUS, actually. The balls were nice, but the cocoa and green tea powder we rolled it around in tasted bitter since it wasn't sweetened or sugar-packed. :'( It was still nice. Only got to shove down two, since the bell had rung and we had to leave for class. Hands got dirty with chocolate, lol.

Felt a bit sick afterwards in Maths. But it was well worth it. XD

Religion class was boring. We got into a class discussion about global warming and whether Adam and Eve existed before or after the dinosaurs. =/ Strange people. After that, the discussion turned slightly racist. Felt utterly insulted by the anti-Asian atmosphere. They're just jealous that they aren't as cool as the Asians. >8D Too bad, mofo. Asians PWN .. and you know it. Da.

Chemistry was a blur. Too fast, and too hard to understand anything. Me missing out on 2 lessons doesn't help either. Meep. > . <;;

Back at home now. Yay. Air-con. So bloody hot today. And it's supposed to be the start of Autumn too. > . >;; I wish it would start getting cooler already. But not utterly cold like Russia gets during Winter. Brrrrrrrrrrrr. Russia doesn't like the cold much. But too hot isn't nice either. Everything gets all sticky. XD *SHOT FOR THE INNUENDO*

I'll end it here then. Have to cram-study all my subjects. TASUKETEEEEEE~ TT ^ TT

[Finished 4:53 PM Tuesday, 1 March 2011]


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